Letter To My Teenage Self

Dear Teenage Alyssa,

Have you ever heard the wolf cry to the blue corn moon? Just kidding. That’s a lyric from Pocahontas. Are you too cool for that? You’d probably JUST DIE if you knew how many of those corned-up jokes your future self makes a day. And you thought sitting on gum and getting your period at the same time was bad? Blood Gum Day has nothing on this.

Serious time… ehem...

I’m writing this letter to you, now, because I was so hard on you. I didn’t get the bigger picture. I get it now, and I’m sorry.

There is a lot of pressure on you, as there is for all #girls. You constantly compare. You stare at parts of yourself in the mirror and wish for a magic button to erase them. There’s no magic button, but there is self love, and you will have lots of it as you get older. It’s really nice to feel comfortable in your skin, and proud of who you are. For instance, you can talk about your period on the internet in the future and live to see another day. Hold tight to your convictions, and don’t compromise. See yourself, your whole self, when you look in the mirror. When you stop hiding behind makeup, is when your skin clears up. When you stop messing with your hair is when it grows long. When you stop worrying so much about every little thing, your body will thank you and you will look great. More importantly, you will #feel great.

Don’t let anyone push you around. Sometimes you are so worried about being impolite that you allow bad behavior. Kindness and strength are friends. Don’t fight battles that aren’t worth your time, but don’t ever let anyone intimidate you out of speaking your mind when it counts.

Embrace how scared you are. Every single time you are terrified of what is to come, you have the most wonderful, most defining moments. They are scary for a reason. We have to be pulled out of our comfort zone to effect real change. You are going to make an absurd number of mistakes and you will learn from every single one of them. And it will be okay.

Continue to #forgive. Keep your heart unburdened and remember that no one is perfect. You will hurt people, too, and you will want them to afford you the same courtesy. Don’t stop giving people the benefit of the doubt, even if you get hurt. That’s part of what makes you good. It would be a shame to carry a chip on your shoulder when an open heart suits you better.

It’s okay to be vulnerable. I’m sorry you are so sad. You make a lot of jokes (that won’t change) to cover up how sad you are. It’s hard being strong when you’re feeling weak; but, you are strong, and it pays off. Your future self can deal with stuff better than most people. Hang in there, because it does get better. Know, without a doubt, that you are not alone. There are a lot of others silently struggling. God picks up the slack, and that’s why we always pull through. If we’re lucky, we might even become better for it. Talk to Dad about it. You’ll be a mom one day, to a beautiful little girl. If she is struggling you won’t want her to deal with it alone.

You’re going to love #motherhood. It’s weird, and awesome. The part where a bowling ball gets yanked out of your private body parts in front of a room of strangers is weird, but the baby at the end part is awesome. Your kid will pick up a piece of dog poop, roll her eyes at you, and tell you that it’s rock solid and not to worry. You’ll love her so much that you’ll even hold her poop-hand on the way to the bathroom. I SWEAR. Your body will be broken, your boobs will be sad (metaphorically, and actually), and you won’t even care. You’ll feel more #beautiful and more capable than ever before.

And when you feel beautiful, and capable, and maybe even powerful, is when you’ll be your happiest. Fulfillment is an incredible thing. We have it within our grasp our whole lives, and for some reason we fight it. We become an enemy to ourselves and sometimes sabotage what we deserve because we are blind. You do this. You don’t know your worth. You give people what you think they want and so you never have what you need. Authenticity is not your enemy. Once you embrace it is when your life will change, and you’ll really become whole.

Until then, sweet girl, it’s okay to be impolite. It’s okay to tell a hurtful truth when you have to. It’s okay to be sad, and vulnerable, and a mess. Everyone is a mess, and anyone who says they aren’t is a liar. You’re going to get embarrassed, and people will remember. That whole, “oh, they’ll forget it tomorrow” thing people say to make you feel better is a LIE. Someone brought up how you had a laughing/spitting fit on DVE-TV in elementary school four days ago and you’re 31 years old. I’m saying this not to terrify you, but because it doesn’t matter! Everything that seems like the end of the world to you now will make your future self laugh until pee comes out. But if we’re being honest, your future self is a mom so pee comes out regardless.

You have within yourself the ability to do great things. They might appear simple to others, but they will be enough. You will be supremely happy with simple. There is no clear and direct path toward happiness. Just know that you’re doing a really, really good job getting there.

xoxo,

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