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Hi Friends!
I hope all of you Mothers and Mother Lovers had a blessed holiday. I love combing through your pictures online and reading about your beautiful lives. We can all relate to a holiday like Mother's Day, no matter our story.
The holiday has taken on new meaning for me, in recent years, with the birth of my child. Before then it was a day to celebrate the memory of my Mama, and all of the women in my life who helped to make me a respectable human. There were many, and to you: I am so thankful. I still reflect on the women I love, but I also appreciate them and their sacrifices in new ways because I, too, have experienced motherhood. As I type this I am wiping yogurt from the couch cushion Vale swore she wouldn't dirty because she'd eat slowly. I'm not sure why she thinks speed has anything to do with spillage but she made a compelling argument and here we are. Sacrifice.
I spent Sunday at the beach with Chris and my little Bunny. She was hot, and tired, and had sand up her rear so she was understandably irritable. The day was really about keeping her from teetering over the line of total meltdown, which all of you Mothers reading this can completely understand. While I was stuffing her face with Apple Juice and Chicken Nuggets (It was Grouper) I couldn't help but feel close to my mother. The beach was a special place for her and I remember trying to ruin her serenity to the best of my ability but she wouldn't budge. She loved it, and she loved us, no matter how crabby. In the end, motherhood is really about overcoming weak moments. You love your kid(s) and you put them first. Please don't get me wrong; I'm not saying you don't laugh at them if they look funny when they fall. You do. You just get better at being less obvious about it and you don't point as much while you do it.
So, it's been a few days and I finally feel mentally capable enough to whip up a post. I was reading through my unfinished baby book, crying, and chain-drinking coffee (see all the stability?) and I got to thinking that I should really write my kid directly. Chris writes his kids letters, his parents wrote him and his sisters letters, my mother wrote me letters... why the freak am I, the wannabe writer, not writing my kid letters? It's not like there's any pressure to craft the perfect document. My mom couldn't spell basic words correctly (probably where I get it) and they aren't any less beautiful to me.
Here is one she wrote in my Baby Book:
(See Transcript Below)
My Little Alyssa,
I love you so much. You are my heart, my pride and joy. These past two years have truly been the happiest. You are a very good girl. You're very sweet and sensitive. You play very well with other children and love to be with them. Alyssa, you are a cuddle bunny and give the nicest kisses. You have an extraordinary vocabulary; it amazes me at times. Of course I think you are extremely intelligent for your age, and you have a memory that would put an elephant's to shame. You love animals and are so gentle with them, even the smallest bug. You love the moon and stars, flowers and trees. Through your eyes, all things are beautiful and you impart these perceptions to all who know you. You are given to break out in song as if you were in a long musical. Your eyes twinkle with a brilliance and your smile lights up the world with all the love you share and instill in those around you.
Alyssa, you are truly a beautiful child. People often stop us and (this is my favorite part) comment on how pretty you are. They often say you should be a model! But Alyssa, you are as beautiful inside and out. There is a special gentleness within you that shines. You truly favor your Mommom in appearance, more so than anyone else in the family. You love your family and they love you very much.
I shall always treasure these past two years with you and will remember your sweetness and love as if it were yesterday. Thank God! for my precious Alyssa Rae, who will always be my special baby, truly my heart!
All My Love,
Mommy
I can't help but ruin the letter with my salty, wet eyeballs every time I read it (it's not that often-- I'm stable). Vale has so many of the same qualities and habits that I had when I was little so it's extra special to me now that I've got my own snuggle Bunny. I'm going to try and attempt a letter to my child that isn't riddled with sarcasm so she can look back on her childhood without having to call her therapist.
Ehem...
Dear Sweet Bunny,
The day you were born, I became whole. You are the person who gives my life purpose, my ultimate joy.
You are three and a half years old as I type (it's 2019 and I have the penmanship of a drunken turtle) this letter. This morning you woke up around 5:00 am and hid under the dining table giggling with your stuffed puppy until the rest of the house was up. You are really starting to develop a sense of humor, and while your jokes are garbage (examples to follow), your laugh is so contagious that no one can help but be happy when around you.
Funny Joke One: I call you Bunny, and so you started calling me Carrot. That has since escalated and now everyone is Mister or Missy Carrot. After you call them Mister or Missy Carrot you look around and explain the joke. It's awesome.
Funny Joke Two: You call humans 'Ty Ty'. That is Chris' parents' dog's name and no one gets it but you're so pretty.
You have spent the better part of your life being completely uncoordinated, and now that you've had some time around bigger kids you can swim, jump more than 1" off the ground, dance, throw and catch a ball, etc. I can launch crackers at your face and you almost always catch them in your mouth. You love to sing and dance, and you are so much fun to watch. When we play music in the car you repeat the words to songs and sing at the top of your lungs. Music is such a gift and I hope you enjoy it as much as I always have. Always sing loudly, even if you turn out to not be so good. I go to Karaoke enough to know that being good and having fun are two totally different things.
You have so many sweet friends. You call each one of them your "best friend" and you are not afraid to tell anyone you love them. That is one of my favorite things about you, little girl: you have this huge, open heart and you wear it on your sleeve for all to see. You are quick to forgive, and quick to apologize. Don't ever change that about yourself; it will make for a much lighter, and more beautiful life. Being this emotional, love-filled little human also means that you get your feelings hurt easily, you cry genuinely and loudly, and you have a temper. You've mastered your mother's Greezy Eye and you're better at it. I taught it to you around age one to ward off predators at the playground and it stuck. It's okay to be emotional. Don't ever think emotion takes away from your strength, Bunny. When you know yourself and embrace who you are, you are strong.
You love running around the house playing "Catchy Me." You taunt people to chase you, and have invented so many versions of this game. We act as zombies, dinosaurs, ice princesses with freeze powers, etc. When we play, you laugh so hard that I get worried you'll asphyxiate. You love playing "Mommy and Honey." Usually you make me be the Honey but I have trouble keeping in character. You go through clothing phases and have since you were teeny tiny. Currently you wear one of three identical dresses that were hand-me-downs from Chris' girls. You pair these mangled articles of clothing with your unicorn rain boots. It does not look good, and I used to pry the dresses off of you at night so I could wash them but now you wear them to sleep and they smell. Please take them off so I can torch them.
You think the word 'Mother' is a term for an evil 'Mommy' because you've watched Tangled too many times. I have to call the holiday "Mommy's Day" so you aren't afraid of it.
You potty trained in a matter of three days and have the most impressive bowel movements I have ever seen. Hopefully by the time you're reading this I still have the pictures and can show your boyfriend. You can count to around sixteen and I have no idea where you learned. Sometimes you pretend you can't count at all. Mommy should really be working on letters and numbers with you, but I have so much fun watching you use your imagination that I think we can put off easy reality stuff for just a little while.
You, too, are so gentle and kind. You have so much compassion for every person and every creature. You want to kiss and hug every single animal we walk by and so we often spend a lot of time getting where we're going. Mommy spent a lot of time on an organic diet when you were little but once you started eating plastics off of the dirty ground I figured a Happy Meal wouldn't kill you. The important thing to remember is to stop and smell the roses. Even if the roses are dogs mid-poop, or you going above and beyond to give your future baby the best life you can. Those things are never a waste of time. Time is one of the most precious things we have, and it's well spent when spent on someone or something we love.
So keep telling your friends and family you love them. Keep playing silly games, and keep the volume loud. Apologize sincerely when you're wrong but never for being yourself. Pet all of the animals, sing all of the songs, and keep working on your jokes (because they will get better). Spend more time learning to be a good person, and less time learning for tests: character is what defines us and we often lose site of that.
Know that you made Mommy feel closer to God than anyone or anything ever has. You gave someone in this world purpose, and you are more loved than you could ever possibly know. The world turns for one person simply because you're in it.
I love you and am so impossibly proud of you. For who you are now, and for the woman I know you will become. Thank you for letting me be your Carrot. You will always be my sweet Bunny.
Mommy
So as you can see, our styles are a bit different (lol). Hopefully Vale grows up and thinks my humor is adorable and sassy and the love isn't lost on her because I'm weird.
If there is any wisdom I can impart on any of you, it's to write to someone you love. These little excerpts from my book are some of the most precious things I have. They remind me how beautiful my childhood was and how lucky I was to have my parents. They loved each other, loved me and my siblings, and blessed us as God blessed them. There are so many similarities within the letter to the life I am living right now that I can't help but believe I am doing this parenting thing right. I can't help but feel emotional and grateful on a holiday like Mother's Day. Even if I spent the day disarming a ticking time bomb.
Mama Alyssa
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