Cheers! Little Moments

I've heard, "There are moments in life that define us." People are always saying that and in the interest of being controversial, which is one of my favorite things to be, I challenge that it's a lot more complicated than that. Sure, if you finish graduate school then that is a defining #moment in your career; if you have a baby then your personal definition changes; but, you don't become who you're going to become in one, or a select few moments (even if they feel big). I think that we are the sum of all of our parts. Every single time we choose to wear furry unicorn slippers we become who we are. When we choose to, or choose not to, we mold ourselves. It's the seemingly insignificant moments, the ones we least expect, that are the most important.

Recently, I had a quiet day alone with Vale. It was the first I've had in a long time and I didn't think much of it until it was over. We took an accidental nap on the couch together while watching a #Christmas movie. When I opened my eyes my sweet little girl was staring at me, and rubbing my arm. She's getting a little older now. She has emotional outbursts in equal measure to thoughtful moments. This was one of those thoughtful moments. Sometimes I see so much of myself in her, and sometimes I see her as her own little person. She cries during sweet Christmas commercials, she can't say any multisyllabic words correctly, she coaches our dog when he poops, and she laughs until she can't breathe. All of these moments, where I witness her #happiness, #change me. I get to form this special bond with a human I created and watch her become a collection of her own triumphs and failures.

This has been a really insane year. I remember fervently #praying for acceptance, guidance, and positivity last Christmas. When I wasn't trying to force all of those things to fruition, they happened. I began accepting my situation, and in turn felt peace. The positive thoughts started pouring in and here I am, a year later, surrounded by the best sort of chaos a person could hope for. My days are long and often exhausting, but they are rewarding. The kids are loud and terrorist-like, but they bring me so much joy. My job is evolving in to a dream, where I get to design, write, and make my best friend hold stuff up for me. My #home is happy, and safe, and as long as we have each other it will be warm and love-filled.

Lately, my favorite moments are the ones where I'm asked to spell my name so the kids can address a picture they've drawn for me, or when Chris steals a kiss while they are busy complaining about the gross, healthy meal I've prepared them. I love catching up on the family-shared album and watching videos of Vale and my nephew. Yesterday I watched a video where Casen put a bunch of blue blankets on the floor and pretended like he was swimming. Probably because he's freezing and my sister won't give him the Floridian lifestyle he deserves. I love when my dad takes pictures of his blood pressure readings and sends me super morbid texts about 'my inheritance'. Life is all about balance (lol). I love looking at the Christmas cards my friends and family send me, marking this year's milestones. I love the moment I satisfy my need for a 1am buffalo chicken quesadilla from Wawa. I love the quiet, sleepy 5:30 am moments, right when our alarm goes off, minutes before the kids start chasing each other around the kitchen island. I love the moments where I'm most frustrated and recognize that I'm still supremely happy.

Life and prayer and happiness: these can be tricky. When we pray we usually expect a certain outcome. We plan our lives out and expect them to go according to that plan. We believe that we are seeking happiness and that eventually we'll get it if we're diligent. Funny how we can be happy all the while, even when things don't go according to plan; even if the answers to our prayers are not what we expect; even if every big moment is a dud or a disaster. The trick is to find yourself, and your happiness, in the beautiful in-between moments.

xoxo